i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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