I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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