i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize