nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
