We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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