I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently the secret to your success is patron
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
