I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
