i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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