i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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