Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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