Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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