Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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