I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
