like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
