How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
