I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
