So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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