Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
