Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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