By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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