I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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