He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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