I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
