they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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