Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
