Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
