The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
