You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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