You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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