just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
