life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
