3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.