i jhust puked up my retainher.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage