You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
