My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
