her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
