I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms