dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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