don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
