Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
