we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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