ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i now understand why vodka
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
