Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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