Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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