Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
