Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Acid is not a monday night drug
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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