I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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