hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
