this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
