Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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