She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
