so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
