dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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