sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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