Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
