I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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