youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
