I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
