I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
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Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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