You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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