Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
