He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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