PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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