K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let's paint friendship bongs
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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