nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
