Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
