Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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