so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
