if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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