Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
my liver is dry heaving
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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