You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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